the birm*

Stalemate...(project 86)
i sought so hard to attain this gain,
now watch me give this ground away,
what can i do but admit i'm in over my head,
colours fade from blue to dark red,
backed into a corner by my choices,
and i'm hearing the same dark voices,
at the mercy of my desires,
helpless trivial i'm left with
no defences,
stimulus response, repeated failures,
i'm sick,
this sickness fills my senses,
but despite my apparent loss
i see release this stalemate,
my peace.
you will release this
stalemate, you can't move or catch me,
stalemate, the walls built around me,
and as the stain continues to follow i see,
so clearly,
if i would only let go of my tendencies,
then i'd know what it is,
to be free.
i can't win when i indulge this fantasy,
reduced as a pawn lead to misery,
a little detour won't hurt let me change you slowly,
a moment of pleasure but you'll owe me,
all encompassing defeat awaits the day,
i choose to plunge and embrace
this nightmare,
but the night has an end and i see you,
and you see me as the dawn of the one,
who's adopted my ailment, my sickness, my stalemate,
reveals my blindness to my own condition,
stalemate...
still, run away from,
6 seconds of defeat 6 years of agony,
still, stay at home with,
6 seconds of defeat 6 years of agony,
i'm senseless...
...i'll never look back, i'll never taste it again,
i'll never stop, you can't stop me...